Robin Hood: The Female Version
by KarlaRose
Summary: All of the main characters' genders are switched.
1. ProlougeSluts Strike Back

Robin Hood: The Female Version  
  
Disclaimer: Some ideas parallel Robin Hood Men in Tights by the genius known as Mel Brooks and the Disney version of Robin Hood. If not mentioned below, a character is ours. We don't know who owns the rest. If you are homophobic, don't read this story. If you don't like this, we don't care because we don't know you. Sean, you know which one you are, WE'RE SORRY!!!!  
  
Known Characters (in order of appearance)  
  
Robin Hood- Robin Hood  
  
Little Joanna- Little John  
  
Princess Juanita- Prince John  
  
Sister Mary Bertha (minor)- Friar Tuck (sorta)  
  
Lord Matthew- Maid Marian  
  
Sheriffess of Nottingham- Sheriff of Nottingham  
  
Queen Rachel- King Richard   
  
  
  
Blahblahblah- thinking  
  
*blahblahblah*- my comments  
  
"blahblahblah"- speaking  
  
Prologue  
  
Robin Hood was about to jump out of the tree they were perched in, and scare the hell out of the guards. Little Joanna put a hand on her shoulder. "Shouldn't we take a more direct approach then scaring the hell out them?" Little Joanna asked, a little agitated.  
  
"But it's-" Robin was cut of by her companion.  
  
"Yes, I know it's fun, but so are a lot of other things." Little Joanna said raising her thin, blond eyebrows.  
  
"Aw, why do you always have to spoil my fun," Robin asked her voice child like. "because if it weren't for me you'd be in jail right now with the guards raping you," that comment sobered Robin. She had been jailed for stealing from the royal treasury. Most of the women that were young and in jail became the guard's sex toys for the night. If little Joanna hadn't saved her she would be one of those poor women right now.   
  
"Yeah, you're right," Robin said with a sigh.   
  
"Well, ain't I always right?" Little Joanna said. Robin was getting a big grin on her tanned face. "What are you grinning for?" Little Joanna asked.   
  
"I just got an idea," Robin said.   
  
Chapter 1: The Sluts Strike Back  
  
Princess Juanita was counting her gold when she heard a male voice call from the side of the road "Looking for a male slut? If you are we can supply it."   
  
"Stop the carriage," Princess Juanita bellowed at the driver " Did you say you were male hookers," she asked licking her lips. Two men *we'll explain later* stood about ten feet away from the carriage. They both wore tight leather breeches, calf high boots, and they both wore a black tunic that reached about mid thigh. One had short strawberry blond hair, gray eyes and medium build. The other had sandy hair, hazel eyes and no build at all.   
  
"Come here my fine, young lads and have a drink with me," she called to them. They walked to the carriage. Princess Juanita could hardly contain her happiness at the fact that she would soon have a man in her bed again. When they went inside the princess began to pour ale for them and wine for herself. " What is your price?", she asked. *SLUTTY PRINCESS*  
  
"For your madam, 3 gold pieces," the gentlemen told her.  
  
"Done! Shall we get started then?" *Horny little bitch* Princess Juanita started moving towards the bed. She began to take off her corset when she was interrupted by Sean, her assistant.   
  
"OK. I can see that your obviously … oh, your sexy… OK, I'm going to go now. Bye" As he turned on his heel, they heard him mutter, "Damn my lover."  
  
"Now, where were we?" Princess Juanita asked. She continued to remove her corset, exposing her large round breasts. Little Joanna was fighting back a moan of pleasure. I have a lover already, but DAMN is she hot.  
  
"Hey Jo, why don't you wait outside for like 15 minutes," Robin told him *her* forcibly.  
  
"But can't you see he wants me?" Princess Juanita asked, running her hands down her thin torso.  
  
"Yeah, I can see that, but I don't like him *her* to watch while we conduct… business," he *she* said making his voice a little husky.  
  
"Okay, but don't go too far now, " *y'all come back now ya here* she said as Little Joanna exited the carriage. She wanted to throw a barrel of ice cold water on herself, but that would mean risking herself and Robin. She walked towards the middle rank of guards where the treasure chest was.  
  
Within minutes, she was running as fast as she could, but she was slowing down because she was leaden with treasure. She ran toward the tree and scrambled up its trunk as fast as she could.  
  
Meanwhile, Robin was putting the "moves" on Princess Juanita. Robin was sitting on top of the princess' chest with a dagger at her throat,  
  
"Give me all of the jewels that you posses, and I'll spare your worthless life," Robin said acidly.  
  
"All right, I'll give you everything if you spare me."   
  
Still sitting on her chest, Robin began to pull up her shirt, and cut away the bindings that made her chest appear flat.  
  
"It's you!" Princess Juanita said her face twisted with rage. *a little predictable, huh?*  
  
"Yeah, it's me. Who else did you expect?" Robin asked, dropping the male voice. "You'd best be giving me the gold and jewels now." Robin moved to allow the princess to get all the gold and jewels she had with her.  
  
"Here's your damned gold, now take it and leave," Princess Juanita said, her voice shaking with rage.  
  
"It's time for me to take my leave, but you my lady need to be taught manners," Robin informed her. As Robin fled into the forest, she could hear the high-pitched scream of Princess Juanita pierce the silence of the forest. 


	2. The Plot Thickens

Chapter 2: The Plot Thickens  
  
Robin and Little Joanna had finally discarded their clothes and the hats they had stuffed down their pants. *told ya we'd explain*  
  
"So how much bounty did we make off with?" Robin asked wading into a small lake that they were resting by.  
  
"Oh about 15000gold pieces, thirty- two diamonds, ten rubies, five sapphires, and three emeralds." Little Joanna informed her. Robin gave a low whistle.  
  
"That's enough for each family in the city to have fifty gold pieces." Robin remarked amazed.   
  
"Yeah and we'll be lucky if the Sheriffess of Nottingham doesn't find most of it, and ya know that this is the best raid that we have done in five years?" Little Joanna told her.   
  
"It does feel good," Robin told Little Joanna. Little Joanna looked at Robin as she emerged from the lake. "You're not thinking about him are you?"  
  
"What?… Oh yeah I am. You know I can't help it." Robin told her.  
  
"Hey, here comes Sister Mary Bertha" Little Joanna announced as Robin dressed in a dark green trousers and tunic.  
  
Sister Mary Bertha was a large black woman with dark skin. She wore the traditional outfit of a nun. *for those who don't it's a black and white habit* She was a nun at the convent in Nottingham. "Oh, Robin God bless you," as she handed the nun a ladle of water.  
  
Sister Mary Bertha had finished drinking from the ladle and handed it back to Robin.  
  
"It's good to see you sister," Robin said, happily embracing the nun. "Any news of Lord Matthew?"  
  
"Well, there has been some," she said as she sat down heavily on a boulder.  
  
"Oh. Do tell." Robin asked curiously.  
  
"Oh, all right," the sister said, adjusting her habit. "Well, you know that Princess Juanita wants him as her husband even more than she wants to see you dead."  
  
"Yes, we all know that, said Robin.   
  
"Lord Matthew has asked the princess to throw a ball in honor of her majesty. There, he is to choose his bride, but the princess has plotted to kill whomever he chooses." The sister hung her head in silent prayer, knowing her report was finished.  
  
"Well, you know what?" Robin asked both of the women.  
  
"What?" they asked together, each dreading the answer.  
  
"I'm going to that shindig whether they like it or not, and if they don't like it, they can kiss my skinny little white ass. *Yeah! That is so me!* Sorry sister," Robin added, because of the look on the nuns face. 


End file.
